This week, my baby got her driver’s license. For her, a milestone in freedom and independence. And, as we remind her often, in responsibility. For me, the next step in the “mother journey” – the continual exercise of letting go.
I’m happy for her, really; and I’m proud of her ability and her new skills. But there is a place deep inside me that wants to knit her a cocoon to keep her safe – from other drivers, from herself – and, heck – from the whole world. I want to wrap her in something thick and soft that will shield her from any harm. Like woolly bubble wrap. But little butterfly that she is, I know she’d eventually find her way out. And that’s as it should be.
Perhaps what I really want is not to knit, but to unravel. If life were more like knitting, I could gently pull the yarn of time and go back – to hold the tiny baby she was (and will always be to me) and to be able to control so much more of life’s dangers. I could re-knit the same pattern, but omit some of the mistakes I made along the way.
Life is not a sweater, however. Her life is changing, and so is mine. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But if you see my baby out there, treat her carefully. She’s precious.