Thursday, January 31, 2008

Can I knit a cocoon?

This week, my baby got her driver’s license. For her, a milestone in freedom and independence. And, as we remind her often, in responsibility. For me, the next step in the “mother journey” – the continual exercise of letting go.

I’m happy for her, really; and I’m proud of her ability and her new skills. But there is a place deep inside me that wants to knit her a cocoon to keep her safe – from other drivers, from herself – and, heck – from the whole world. I want to wrap her in something thick and soft that will shield her from any harm. Like woolly bubble wrap. But little butterfly that she is, I know she’d eventually find her way out. And that’s as it should be.

Perhaps what I really want is not to knit, but to unravel. If life were more like knitting, I could gently pull the yarn of time and go back – to hold the tiny baby she was (and will always be to me) and to be able to control so much more of life’s dangers. I could re-knit the same pattern, but omit some of the mistakes I made along the way.

Life is not a sweater, however. Her life is changing, and so is mine. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But if you see my baby out there, treat her carefully. She’s precious.


Annie said...

gulp! that is a very special and wonderful post. thank you for sharing it.

Cecelia...librarian...bookseller said...

Sometimes you make me cry. Beautiful posting

forevermore said...

Ain't it the truth, ain't it the truth. But, alas.........there goes the butterfly.

With our daughter just announcing her engagement I know that the bubble wrap, even if hand-bubbled, just doesn't work......and now she has a new person to help spin her a cocoon. Maybe ;) when they are both in the cocoon, I'll have a new little catapillar someday......
this wing concept is lookin' up!

Here's to "wings"....cheers - to you and to Caroline. You've been successful!